i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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