saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
