i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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