Your tits are I can't wait for
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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