i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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