Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
