Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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