I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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