things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He passed out mid-signature
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
