my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
