Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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