it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
