i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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