I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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