After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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