The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
