If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You are a genius and a whore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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