Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
