The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
