first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
