he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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