I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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