This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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