i just wanna soil my oats bro
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
