Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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