break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it penis luge time yet?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
