Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
