I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
