he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
