I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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