I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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