Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
