so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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