I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
