All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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