the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
