i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
