miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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