Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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