I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
