I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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