just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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