making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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