I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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