my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
