whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
