The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
