i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
