What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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