The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
