thus making me awesome and them whores
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
