every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
