if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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