Swine flu. Run for my life!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
