she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
