dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
