Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
