so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
