It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
