i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
