Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
