I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
