I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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