I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
