OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have demons in me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
