i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
